I Love God

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Crazy Love

NEW YORK (CNS) -- In 1957, ambulance-chasing lawyer Burt Pugach spotted comely 20-year-old Linda Riss in a Bronx park and decided he had to have her at all costs. What transpired in their highly unconventional half-century relationship is related by them and others in the perversely engrossing documentary "Crazy Love" (Magnolia).

Initially unaware Burt was married, Linda was impressed by his private plane and powder-blue Cadillac. He was obsessed with virginal Linda, but when she found out he was married with a child, Linda threatened to leave. Burt soon showed her divorce papers and she started making wedding plans, until she discovered the papers -- like his intention to marry her -- were phony. He was a liar who was disbarred for illegal fee splitting, and a serial adulterer to boot.

Determined to forget Burt, Linda met a soldier in Florida and became engaged in 1959. The incensed Burt hired thugs who went to Linda's apartment and threw lye in her face, permanently disfiguring and blinding her. Burt was sentenced to 30 years and served 14.

During his incarceration, Burt continued sending love letters as Linda got her own apartment and dated, but felt herself to be "damaged goods." (With her blessing, the fiance had broken the engagement.)

As Linda aged, a policewoman who had initially guarded Linda's hospital room felt she would be better off with nutty Burt than alone and needy, so she brought them together upon his release. Eight months later, they married. They have been spouses for 33 years, for better or worse, as Burt continued to womanize. Yet Linda testified on his behalf at a 1997 trial when his mistress charged he threatened and harassed her.

Director Dan Klores' film integrates vintage home movies, stills and period music with its star players, current-day Linda, now 70, sporting bouffant wigs and oversized sunglasses, and 80-year-old, self-satisfied Burt.

It would be wonderful to suggest this is a relationship about enduring love and forgiveness, rather than a college "Abnormal Psychology" class come to life, for essentially, former sadist Burt is now at the mercy of a sharp-mouthed wife who once was his victim.

As a couple, seen at their favorite Queens, N.Y., diner, they seem to have settled into a bickering camaraderie. They also seem to relish the limelight with Burt bragging about all the money he made and women he had while Linda, a product of her times, was focused on her looks to find a husband for her sense of identity and financial security.

Klores wisely keeps a nonjudgmental tone throughout the film, leaving the viewers to ponder whether this could be a sincere love story or a twisted tale of obsession and co-dependency.

The film contains intermittent violent, suicidal and sexual references and an instance of rough language. The USCCB Office for Film & Broadcasting classification is A-III -- adults. The Motion Picture Association of America rating is PG-13 -- parents strongly cautioned. Some material may be inappropriate for children under 13.

Ruled by the religion of love

About 23 children from diverse backgrounds have found a home in Lovedale. With love and compassion for one another, these children live as a family under one roof, leaving behind the traumas of their past and hoping for a new life.

Away in the outskirts of Bangalore is a shelter for the poor and deprived children of our society in the form of Lovedale Foundation. Giving shape to his vision of serving the destitutes, Late Dr J Godfred started it in the year 2001. Shortly after establishing this haven, Dr J Godfred passed away, leaving his philanthropic mission to be carried forward by his daughter Jayani. Lovedale Home functions from a rented premises on Horamavu main road near Banaswadi.

At present, Lovedale is home to 23 children in the age group of 4 to 14, from diverse backgrounds and cultures across the nation. Though most kids are picked up from the streets, there are also children of underprivileged parents, those abandoned by parents, children of HIV positive parents and sex workers, and those subjected to abuse and violence. Lovedale provides them all with foster care, nutritious food, health care, counselling, education, love and support. Bangalore City Commissioner’s Office recognises Lovedale Foundation and places children they rescue from undesirable situations in this safe home.

Priorities
Lovedale prioritises education as the basic necessity. To this extent, they aim at providing quality education to these children so that they will be on par with children from privileged backgrounds.

“We give them quality education. All our children are sent to St George’s English Medium Convent run by the Orthodox Missionary Church. They are educated under the ICSE syllabus,” says Jayani.
Apart from this, volunteers from Microsoft visit Lovedale every Sunday and teach these children English and other foreign languages like French and German. “They bring their own study material for the children,” she says.

Any visitor to this home will be surprised at the ease with which these children speak various languages. Four-year-old Sweety, who was brought here from Kolkata, can speak almost all South Indian languages, apart from Hindi and English.

Lovedale also supports 117 children in the villages of Rampura, Angalpura, Channasandra and Gubbi, as also seven poor families in the nearby areas with food and medication.

The Foundation has an enthusiastic set of volunteers who conduct research in the rural as well as urban areas of the State to identify deprived children. They even organise awareness sessions for the parents of such children to convince them of the need to educate their children.

“Education is the only means by which children can hope to improve their standard of living as well as contribute their part to the greater mission of nation building,” says Jayani.
Lovedale also has professional counsellors serving as volunteers to counsel children who have undergone abuse and torture in the hands of anti-social elements.

“We also support Ashraya Charitable Trust,” says Jayani, who is a part of I Care, a non-profit organisation that aims at finding sustainable solutions to the varied problems of street children. Lovedale presently has two foreigner nationals from Canada and the US working as volunteers, recruited through I Care. “They will be here for about six months, helping children in various activities,” says Jayani.

Literacy plan
Their literacy plan includes 100 per cent education coverage for the children in Bangalore, spreading awareness about the need for education, fund raising, identifying and reviewing programmes for street children, playing a consultative role in reviewing these programmes, setting up of a vast resource centre of learning, introducing innovative methods of learning, networking with governmental departments and other institutions in the field of education, women and children, and community development. Further, they also plan to build a committed group of volunteers to help Lovedale carry its mission forward.

Running a home with 23 children is no mean task. With no proper flow of funds, Jayani pulls through each month with the support of her family and friends. “We are trying to get corporates to helps us with funds,” she says. But, according to Jayani, most corporate houses are only interested in contributing to organisations that are well known. The reason for this, she says, is that corporates are looking at such charity work as part of their image building.

Projects
Lovedale has certain projects through which they get people who want to help such children involved. Some of these include ‘Sponsor a child’, ‘Sponsor a meal’, ‘Sponsor their education’ and ‘Become a volunteer with Lovedale’.

Lovedale’s latest project is Mission 365, launched officially on March 4, 2007. “There are many people in our society wanting to do charitable work. But most often they don’t know how to go about it. Moreover, an average individual may find it really expensive to sponsor a child or their education for one full year. So we have come up with this idea of giving such people an opportunity to help us by shelling out one rupee a day for a child for a year. That’s Mission 365,” says Jayani.

Mission 365 is also a way of building up a community of people who believe in the betterment of underprivileged children. Lovedale dreams of providing 100 per cent literacy to all the children in Bangalore through this initiative. Hence they plan to set up education centres across Karnataka.

“To start with, we are planning to open a centre in Bangalore. These children will also be given health support,” she said. This centre will be a bridge school that will give these children basic education. “It will be functional from June this year from the premises of St George’s Convent,” she says.

Religion Briefs: Episcopal leaders to meet on gay policy

Episcopal Church leaders will meet Sunday through Thursday to confront demands from overseas Anglican archbishops to roll back the church’s pro-gay policies and create a structure to oversee breakaway conservatives.

The church’s 40-member Executive Council, led by Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori, will convene in Parsippany, N.J. Under church rules, the panel has the ability to make key decisions between the church’s triennial General Conventions.

It is unclear, however, what - if any - action the Executive Council will take, according to church leaders.

“There’s a lot of debate about that,” Jefferts Schori said Thursday. “It’s really only General Convention that makes policy for the church.”

At a meeting in Tanzania in February, top archbishops from the worldwide Anglican Communion demanded that the Episcopal Church, its U.S. branch, promise to cease consecrating gay bishops and blessing same-sex unions by Sept. 30 or face “consequences.”

The Anglican archbishops also said that the 2.2-million member Episcopal Church should create an alternative structure for its conservative minority, some of whom do not accept the oversight of the church’s more liberal leadership.

In March, U.S. bishops flatly rejected the proposal to create an alternative structure and suggested that the church’s executive council do the same. The bishops will meet again in September to issue their final response.

At a time of controversy within their church, Episcopal leaders are debating just who has the power to speak for the church and answer the Anglican archbishops’ demands.

Jefferts Schori has said that “the incursion into the Episcopal Church from other members of the Anglican Communion” will be on the agenda, according to Episcopal News Service.

The Rev. Ian Douglas, a member of the council, said that the panel can execute decisions made by the General Convention, but under church rules it “can’t interpret and can’t initiate” policy on its own.
Pittsburgh-area church votes to join Evangelical Presbyterians

PITTSBURGH - In a move emblematic of mainline Protestant divisions over sexuality, members of the largest church in the Pittsburgh Presbytery voted to leave the Presbyterian Church (USA) and join a smaller, more conservative denomination.

At a congregational meeting, 951 members of Memorial Park Presbyterian Church in McCandless Township voted to be affiliated with the Evangelical Presbyterian Church. Fifty-two percent, or 761 members, of the 1,450-member congregation needed to approve the plan.

“We are saddened that Memorial Park members and leaders have elected to separate from the Presbyterian Church,” James Mead, pastor to the Pittsburgh Presbytery, said in a statement. “However, we believe that wrestling with such painful issues is part of God’s redemptive plan for the world.”

Memorial Park church officials said last month that they were concerned about the national denomination’s move away from traditional doctrines concerning the Holy Trinity and the authority of the Bible, and its increasingly liberal views on gay ordination.

Memorial Park church officials have said their issue isn’t with the presbytery, a regional body of churches, but the national church.

The Presbyterian Church (USA) is among several Protestant denominations embroiled in a bitter debate between conservatives and liberals over what role gays should have in their churches. The national church’s highest court ruled in 2000 that Presbyterian churches may bless same-sex unions as long as they don’t equate the relationships with marriage.
Church’s gospel-music program in blackface called a ‘mockery’

GASTONIA, N.C. - Local black leaders are decrying a recent performance by three white men at a church who wore blackface while pantomiming traditional black hymns.

The performance at Pilgrim Baptist Church was meant to honor gospel-music history, and was not meant to offend anyone, according to the Rev. Thomas Holbrooks Jr., the pastor at the church.

“It was in no way making fun,” Holbrooks said. “Lord knows we love the old spirituals they sing. That’s why they did it.”

The church should have honored black music without the makeup, said David Moore, the president of the nonprofit Gaston County Organization for Community Concerns, which seeks to improve the quality of life for minorities.

“I have no problem with anyone that wants to sing black music, but to pretend that you’re a black person when you’re not a black person seems to be more of a mockery than a celebration,” Moore said. “It’s misguided at this time in our culture, in our society.”

Gaston County NAACP president Clyde Walker voiced similar concerns.

Church members were told to dress like Americans in the 19th century for the skit held at the church’s mother-daughter banquet on the weekend before Mother’s Day, said Teresa Holbrooks, the pastor’s wife. The black makeup was her idea, she said.
Boston cardinal invites pope to visit city on trip to U.S.

BOSTON - Cardinal Sean O’Malley of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Boston has invited Pope Benedict XVI to visit the city during the pope’s planned U.S. trip next year, a gesture O’Malley says will help mend wounds from the clergy sexual-abuse crisis.

O’Malley said he has invited the pope to visit the heavily Catholic city next year, which marks the bicentennial of the Boston Archdiocese. The pope is already planning to make a trip to the United Nations in New York, and O’Malley says he hopes that the pope can stop in Boston during the same trip. O’Malley said that an appearance by the pope could help heal some of the lingering wounds for the city at the heart of the clergy sexual-abuse scandal.

“Given everything Boston has been through, having the Holy Father come, I think, would be a great joy and a sense of affirmation to us as we celebrate the 200th anniversary of our church,” O’Malley told the Boston Sunday Globe.

Boston is the fourth-largest diocese in the country, with an estimated 2 million Catholics. The Vatican has confirmed plans by the pope to visit the United Nations in 2008 but hasn’t set a date for the trip. Demand for the pope is great, with other areas in the country and Canada requesting that he make a visit.
Muslim girls in Minnesota have their own high-school prom

MINNEAPOLIS - It was a prom for girls only, where more than 100 Muslim teenagers could take off their headscarves, let loose and dance, experiencing an American rite of passage without violating Islamic culture and values.

The Saturday night PROM - Party foR Only Muslimahs, or Muslim girls - at the University of Minnesota’s Coffman Memorial Union provided a chance for the girls to participate in a significant high-school experience.

Many Muslim girls don’t attend their high-school prom because they aren’t allowed to dance with the opposite sex, and prom dresses can be too revealing for some Muslim girls to wear in public.

“I’d hate to miss this,” said Sabrina Wazwaz, 15, a freshman who goes to Twin Cities Academy in St. Paul, Minn. “I think it’s really nice how they thought of the Muslim girls who can’t go to the American prom, so they made this for us.”

“I thought it was an awesome idea,” said Sagirah Shahid, 18, one of the main organizers and president of the Muslim Youth of Minnesota.

Shahid is a senior at Roosevelt High School in Minneapolis.

God's love can't be limited by words on a sign

Landmark Baptist Church, which meets in a storefront I pass each morning, has a sign that gives me pause: "God is exclusive, not inclusive."

Beside that is another sign proclaiming, "We are Baptists, not Protestants."

Landmark isn't listed, and there's no phone number on the sign, so I couldn't call to see what they mean with these messages, but both set me to thinking.

I'm puzzled about the Baptist-Protestant distinction since religious historians (see the Denominational Family Trees at Association of Religion Data Archives, www.thearda.com) trace the Baptist lineage to reactions to 17th-century Puritans. The Puritans wanted to purify the Anglican Church, so they were sort of super-Protestants. Under Cromwell's rule, they sent out squads to scan the streets for any woman who dared to rouge her cheeks or wear a ribbon on her black dress.

The Baptists came out of the Puritans, and, you can tell by listening to their louder sons, some apparently retain the sense that moral behavior must be imposed, by fiat if necessary, on a sinful, careless people.

There are plenty of Baptists who understand that only God, not laws, can change hearts. But they are not the preachers who get quoted by the secularists who fear that a "Christian Taliban" would hobble scientific inquiry, annihilate the wall between religion and government, and limit health, education and entertainment choices.

That Protestant-Baptist question is probably one of semantics. It's the bigger sign that troubles me more.

Is God looking to exclude people or to include people?

Our answer, I suspect, says more about who we are than who God is. Anne Lamott warns, "You know you probably haven't got the right God when the God you worship hates all the same people you do."

But our answer to that question, also, will indicate how open we are to working with people outside of our own corral - such as during the Interfaith Mission Service's Day of Service and Unity coming up Sept. 8.

One fundamentalist minister, writing last year on the Internet about SoulStock, the huge Christian music festival held each May in Athens, warned his teenagers not to go. He was concerned that some of the bands preach that it is possible to be saved other than by following the formula his denomination espouses.

These "Password Christians" apparently believe that when Mohandas Gandhi arrived at the Pearly Gates, God said, "Yes, you lived a selfless life of poverty, service and love, but you didn't believe in the right way on my son, Jesus Christ. You can't come in."

Many Christians find that image of God blasphemous and would just as soon leave the mechanism of salvation to God. Meanwhile they get on with doing to others as they would have them do to themselves - while witnessing to the richness of the understanding of God they receive by following Jesus.

The work and words of Marcus Borg, Jim Wallis, and the Baptist Rick Warren, point to an emerging Christian church moving to champion what it includes - justice, mercy, kindness, service - rather than what it excludes.

We will always, in every tradition, need the voices of the Puritans to remind us of the failings of humanity and the dangers of forgetting to check our lives and policies against eternal principles. But we need, too, the humbleness to understand that God must be bigger than our parochial definitions.

God may, in fact, be exclusive. But surely we here, stumbling around together on this beautiful little blue marble in space, are called to love, serve and work with all of our neighbors, no matter which words they use.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

British parents apparently love Muhammad

LONDON, June 6 (UPI) -- The name Muhammad, in all of its various spellings, has now become the second most popular name in Britain to bestow a baby boy, a report said.

The Times of London reported Wednesday that in 2006, the parents of 5,991 baby boys decided to give their newborn child a name with religious connotations, second only to Jack.

One Warwick University professor said the name, which beat out third-place finisher Thomas for second, was likely due to Muslim families in Britain honoring their religion.

"Muslim parents like to have something that shows a link with their religion or with the Prophet," professor Muhammad Anwar said.

Yet the popularity of the name remains surprising as Muslims currently only represent 3 percent of the nation's overall population.

The newspaper's study found other top finishers in 2006 were Joshua, Oliver, Harry and James.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Oh Moses/Jesus/Allah/anyone - how should I raise my child?

The late journalist and social activist June Callwood once said that her religion was kindness.

Writer and provocateur Christopher Hitchens has been stirring up controversy everywhere with his latest book, God is not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything. I half expect him to pop up on CBC Kids: "Christopher is here to tell our little viewers that there is no Santa, and we all turn to dust when we die - including your dog. Up next, Teletubbies!"

In his book, he convincingly asserts that "the conscription of the unprotected child" into the bloodstained world of religion is a parent's greatest sin.

Is there a more polarizing issue than the place of religion in parenting? (Well, maybe the breast-or-bottle smackdown). Or are we beyond arguing about religion in our world of instant gratification, The Secret on DVD and YouTube? (YouTube as heavenly overseer? Not so far-fetched: You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not get loaded, take off your shirt and eat hamburgers off the floor, do I have to tell you why?)

Many modern parents, be they people of faith, atheists or agnostics, wrestle with the question of how to impart ethical values and a reverence for life to their children. And to complicate matters further, many of us are in different forms of "inter" relationships: interfaith, intercultural, intergenerational (you go, Demi).

A friend who is a Christian mom, and whose husband is Muslim, said that their interfaith family is characterized by no faith. They're atheists but firmly grounded in their cultural upbringings, which usually means in their food of origin. They do Easter and Eid. It's all about chocolate and baba ganouj. God doesn't enter into it.

In our case, I'm Jewish and my partner is not. We have always celebrated both Hanukkah and Christmas. Neither of us imposed our values on the other. In fact, Jewish concepts of Tzedakah (charity), Hesed (compassion) and Tikun Olam ("repairing the world") complemented my partner's Golden Rule ("do unto other as you would have them do unto you.") We had a menorah and lots of Christmas tchotchkes - but I drew the line at lights. Until the babies came.

One would think that, being Jewish, I might fiercely protect the minority status of my heritage and try to stave off the symbols and influence of the majority Canadian Christian culture.

You would be wrong.

First of all, that would be impossible. Two years ago, my eldest didn't even know who Santa was. Then we went to the Santa Claus parade. Clifford the Big Red Dog was there! Thomas the Tank Engine! Clowns giving candy! Santa on a huge sled! Before I knew it, my son was calling "Merry Christmas" to every passerby. I passed a store window and noticed a glazed-over, cheery, Cindy Lou Who smile on my own face. Hanukkah may have delicious artery-clogging latkes, but we cannot fight billions of dollars of marketing.

Even the lesser-hyped holiday of Easter has way more kid-friendly symbols than Passover does - bunnies, chocolate eggs, pretty baskets. We have a basket too - but with an abandoned baby in it, floating down the filthy Nile river. Potentially to his doom. To escape infanticide.

As the kids age, though, I think Judaism might have it sown up. We have blood, frogs, converts like Madonna and Britney, and a scary angel of death. Please. You may be able to catch more flies with honey, but you can catch more of a child's imagination with plagues.

However, we are getting to a stage when our child wants to have things clearly labelled for him, including his religious/cultural identity.

There was a time when the prevailing wisdom was to let the children choose what they want to "be." That doesn't sit well with me. I believe mine will choose many things when they grow up. Piano or soccer? Mac or PC? Pot or hashish? My children's identities and self-definitions will change through their lives, I assume.

But when they're young - when they're looking to us for security - I want to give them something to feel proud of, to feel clear about. Something that can be summed up in a word.

And now I know what it is: love.

During our journey at the Hospital for Sick Children with our second baby, throughout his medical trials and emergencies, many people have sent prayers, chants, vibes, reiki, great food and plain old-fashioned hope. We readily accepted it all. We did not care who the addressee was - the sentiment of love literally held up our sky and we believe that love contributed to Baby J's healing.

Perhaps Mr. Hitchens would find compassion for the world of religion if he could have met our interfaith and intermingled community in action.

god Is Not Great

Christopher Hitchens, one of the most prominent political and cultural essayists of our time. He is the author of the new book god Is Not Great. How Religion Poisons

FP: Christopher Hitchens, welcome back to Frontpage Interview.

Hitchens: Nice of you to invite me again.

FP: I was very moved by your book -- a very profound and powerful read. A lot of what you said really needed to be said, and I guess it took someone like you to say it in the potent, wise and courageous way that you did. I say this, incidentally, as confusing as it may be to some readers, as a person of the Christian faith. I value and appreciate your slicing attack on the hypocrites and slime who have caused so much pain in the name of religion.

There is, obviously, another book that could be written on the good that religion has done. Also, of course, the existence of religious hypocrites and of those who commit evil in the name of religion does not negate the existence of God. And there remains the possibility that, as in Dante’s inferno, “religious” people who abuse the faith are in hell.

But we’ll get to some of this a bit later perhaps.

First, let’s begin with what led to the creation of this book. It was clearly inside your head throughout much of your life. What were some of the developments/circumstances that made you realize that you had to write it now? For instance, the title is clearly a counterpoint to what Islamic suicide bombers yell ("Allu Akbar" -- "God is Great”) before they blow themselves up. Was the image of the suicide bomber in our terror war a significant motivator for you to write the book?

Hitchens: Too kind.

Someone recently sent me an interview I gave years ago, in which I had said I wouldn't write a book advocating atheism because there was no need: the existing works were more than good enough. So my mind must have changed somewhat and, yes, I think your surmise is probably correct, it was the Islamist assault that got me off the fence.

It had done that before, in 1989, with the murder-campaign against Salman Rushdie. The crude people who were using assassins and butchers then are now about to get their hands on a nuclear weapon, so I don't apologise for my sense of urgency.

I also notice again what I noticed then, which is that "faith" leaders of other denominations tend to make excuses for Islamism. We saw it with the Vatican's recent condemnation, not of the hideous organised attack on Danish society, but of the cartoonists in Copenhagen. We see it with the softness of the so-called religious when it comes to condemning the so-called "insurgency" in Iraq. And I don't forget that the supposedly secular "Left" is actually saturated with piety and relativism - a rather sickly combination - when it comes to these matters, as well. I was very glad to launch my book-tour with a debate against the posturing figure of Al Sharpton, for example.

As to the "good" that religion has done, I state very clearly in "God Is Not Great" that many believers have done exemplary things. But I insist that they are valued for qualities and deeds that any humanist can applaud, and that supernatural authority is not required to oppose Hitler or Stalin, say, or slavery. Whereas scriptural authority WAS required, for example, to justify racism and slavery in the first place. And it is available now, to excuse the killing of apostates and infidels. We would be better off without these man-made texts, which have the effect of making normal people endorse actions and policies that only a psychopath could ordinarily be expected to approve. If you want good people to do bad things, religion is always there for you - like the rats and bacilli that lurk at the end of Camus's "La Peste" - even in periods where "faith" seems domesticated and benign. Its foundational documents are fundamentally irrational and cruel, and this tends to tell.

FP: You are right, of course, that if you want good people to do bad things, religion is always there for you. That is, unfortunately, the empirical reality of human existence.

At the same time though, my friend, our sense of morality is rooted in our conception of God and his laws. The Ten Commandments I don’t think are such an awful thing. Many of the premises of our Judea-Christian religion surely keep many humans in check. Without these foundations for morality, surely there would be more pain and evil in the world, no? Look at the former communist countries where atheists eradicated religion and replaced the Ten Commandments with class hatred. This engendered mass Holocaust. Aside from all of its mass crimes, the greatest damage done by communism was moral in its removal of religion and the replacement of it with hatred.

You are right, sir, that religion, or the exploitation of it, has caused massive barbarity. But surely the removal of religion would eradicate the very concept of morality, which would lead to something even more savage amongst humans and how we treat each other.

Your thoughts?

Hitchens: One reason why I say that faith poisons everything is that it degrades our ordinary morality and solidarity. Quite apart from the fact that the Ten Commandments are not mainly concerned with morality (more with worship and abjection) and quite apart from the things that they do NOT forbid - genocide, racism, slavery, child-abuse - I decline to believe that our ancestors ever thought that murder, theft and perjury were OK. No society ever has.

In "God Is Not Great" I also point out how this same fallacy applies in the New Testament. The story of the Good Samaritan is quite unmoored from its local ethnic and confessional context: it comes to us as the tale of a man who went out of his way to help a fellow-creature. Since the parable is told by Jesus, the man in the story cannot by definition have been a Christian. We do not need supernatural license for kindness, and we most especially do not need the offer of divine reward or hellish punishment, since these pollute the well of our better instincts.

On your point about the secular nihilists and totalitarians (our common foes, along with the jihadists) again I have a whole chapter in my book. Not to compress the whole thing but just consider Russia in 1917. Millions of ignorant and superstitious people have been told for hundreds of years that the absolute head of the state - the Czar, who is also the head of the Russian Orthodox Church - is a little higher than merely human. If you are Josef Stalin, the former seminary student, you should not even be in the dictatorship business if you cannot exploit a ready-made reservoir of credulity and servility on this scale. And mark the sequel: everything from Inquisitions and heresy-hunts to "miracles" like Lysenko's pseudo-genetics and the overall worship of the supreme leader. The task of humanism is to raise the average person above the floor on which grovelling takes place. Name me a society that has degenerated into famine and misery and fear because it has adopted the teachings of Spinoza and Jefferson and Einstein. Dare you say that these and other men had no ethics because they self-consciously rejected a personal or intervening deity?

FP: I guess we return here to the question of how ethics can exist without the notion of an existing God – a notion that Dostoevsky clearly struggled with.

Let me bring up the reality of our conscience. Doesn’t the existence of our conscience prove the existence of something greater than ourselves?

Isn’t there something innate in all of us and in our existence that proves the existence of God?

For instance, I don’t think a child is traumatized by witnessing the brutal murder of his mother because he was socially constructed to do so. He is traumatized because there is a right and wrong that transcends what humans construct it to be, and that right and wrong stems from something that is created by something greater than ourselves.

I must say that, for me, the existence of God is proven to me every day in almost everything I see. Especially the existence of love. When I see a child crave its mother’s and father’s love, and beg for a hug, I see God. When I see our need for love from one another, I see him. Surely our need for love, as one example, is not socially constructed or a reality that was just created by chance or fluke.

And surely evil is a spiritual force as well.

This is just my own faith and perspective of course. But what is your perspective on these things?

Hitchens: If you are a "pantheist", as the men I mentioned earlier (Spinoza and Jefferson and Einstein) probably or arguably were, you will agree with me that a god which is everywhere is just as likely to be nowhere in particular. If someone says that god is love I don't violently object. If he then says that love is god I find myself feeling uneasy. The undoubted existence of conscience - doing the right thing when nobody is looking, and even deriving satisfaction from the doing - need not posit the supernatural. I like to give blood when I can: I don't lose a pint but someone else gains one. I also hope to benefit when I need blood myself (I have a very rare blood group). Why intrude extraneous complexities here?

As for evil, I say in the book that I believe in its existence and even feel that I have felt its presence. But this does not lead me to infer the existence of Satan and, as you well know, believers in god only complicate their ontology when they try (or fail) to do the same.

FP: So do you wish there was a God? Do you believe that you have a soul and do you ever worry about where it might go in the afterlife? Or these are all just silly notions for you?

And if there is no God or afterlife and nothing afterwards, what then is the meaning of life? Can there be any meaning if there is no God?

What is the meaning of life for you?

Hitchens: I like to think that I can resist wish-thinking in all its forms, and I do not in any case wish that there was a supreme being, let alone a heaven or hell, because I do not desire an unalterable dictatorship of a celestial kind, which would subject me to permanent supervision and surveillance. I should add that dictatorship is even more repulsive to me when it presents itself as benign - its most common seduction.

So I am happy that there is no evidence for such a belief. The immortality of the soul (notice I do not say that I must be soul-less while I am still alive) is indeed a silly fable. The natural world is wonderful enough, with the beauty of science and the consolation of philosophy and literature. One's only hope of immortality lies in the rearing of one's children, for whom one must in due course make room. Their presence is the answer to the last part of your question. A feeling of the transcendent and the numinous is inseparable from a morally serious human existence, but it is not satisfied by myths which are in fact deeply and obviously self-centered.

FP: You refer, at one point, to your religious friends and how some of them say that you are a “seeker.” This relates to how many religious people often try to force the non-believer, usually with bullying tactics, into their own vision of the world. But as you say, you are not a “seeker” in any sense of the way these friends try to label you.

How do you interpret the psychology of religious individuals who need to impose their views? If one believes in God, one can obviously share that belief with one’s fellow man in a patient and loving way and then leave it to that individual to decide what they will do with it. That’s fine obviously. But what’s with the inability to allow another human their own space and views? What’s with the threat, and anger and terror, that some believers feel by someone else’s disbelief? In my own life experience, I have gathered that these are almost always the individuals whose own lives cannot withstand any moral scrutiny whatsoever.

In any case: if a person is so certain about God’s existence, or with the justification of going to Church, or with how they are going straight to heaven, why their inability to sleep at night at the thought of someone who doesn’t think and live like them?

What would be your analysis of the psychological mindset?

Hitchens: I'm interested very much by the lack of confidence that is displayed by the faithful. Why doesn't their conviction - that they are divinely supervised and loved and even saved - make them happy? Why must they insist that I have to believe it, too? I take their anxiety as a manifestation of a repressed form of doubt and fear, and their claim to know god's will as the arrogant presumption of a reinforcement for a weak case.

I also have come to the conclusion that religious belief, even in its supposedly benign form, is the clue to the origin of totalitarianism. A permanent inescapable surveillance; the abolition of the private thought; the constant guilt and fear; the irremovable and unchallengeable authority; the sado-masochism of begging for rewards and fearing punishments - this is the species at its most servile and primeval level. The wish for a Big Brother comes from the childhood of the race, and has to be outgrown in order for us to develop self-respect.

FP: You discuss the pathology in religion regarding sexuality and how the guardians of religion, while moralizing about sex, are sometimes the worst sexual offenders there are. And yet their victims, who are usually children, receive no defense while the perpetrators themselves are exonerated because they act in the name of religion. I shake your hand in standing up for the victims of these mass crimes.

The parts in your book about the mutilation of babies’ genitalia, male and female, and the great damage and harm it does, is clearly instructive. It is incredible that such silence prevails in the world while this violence is perpetrated on millions upon millions of infants in the name of religion. Can you talk a bit about this?

Hitchens: Another proof that religion is not just man-made but Male-made (as I say at some length in the book) is its primitive attitude to sex and especially to female sexuality. The disgust at menstrual blood, the insistence on virgin births (common to the announcement of all prophets or god-kings), the revulsion at the genitalia and the wish for quasi-castration - all this is deeply unwholesome and has led to the infliction of misery upon countless generations.

Again, I would insist that no morally normal person would agree to inflict cruelty upon children if this were not supposedly mandated by heaven, and that is why I regard religion as a source of immorality rather than otherwise. It is not that we fail to live up to its precepts: it is that its precepts operate on a level below the recognisable moral norm.

The idea of the Apocalypse, or end of days, is another very dangerous preachment of this kind and I hope you will ask me to say a few words about that, too.

FP: Ok, say a few words, or many words, about the idea of the Apocalypse, or end of days, and why you think it is a very dangerous preachment.

Hitchens: In "God Is Not Great" I do my best to say why I think that eschatology is unwholesome, and why I think that the obsession with the "end times" is one of the creepiest aspects of the religious mentality. (Look at the poor Iranians today, bullied by a scrofulous despotism into hymning the arrival of a "Twelfth Imam" who has no more validity than the Tooth Fairy, and who lacks even the charm - and even the utility - of a nice tale for children.)

We already have a good picture of the way that the world will end: the heat-death of the universe. Through telescopes, we can already see this happening to countless other stars. This is awe-inspiring enough for anybody, and far more impressive than any Book of Revelation. It seems to me to be merely contemptible and solipsistic to contemplate such overwhelming reality, and then to mutter foolishness about an exception perhaps being made in our own case.

FP: Surely you have considered that God may not fall into any of the paradigms that you have forced him within the structures of your own thinking and understanding? Our human understanding may be a bit limited in terms of understanding God and his ways, no? After all, if we understood God, then he wouldn’t be God. And if God revealed himself, then we wouldn’t be free.

Surely, Mr. Hitchens, you recognize that you yourself, as all human beings, may not understand fully something about an existence that a higher power has created, no?

In other words, can you concede that perhaps human reason and the human mind might not be enough to completely understand, let alone serve as grounds to reject, the reality of God’s existence and the reality of his creation?

In another sense: do you recognize that your own rejection of the possibility of God’s existence is completely independent of the fact that God exists?

Hitchens: Well, you actually re-state part of the case that I make in "God Is Not Great". Given the impossibility of disproving god's existence, one must also admit the impossibility of proving it. But religion, which does claim to possess proofs of revelation, proposes to go further, and to state that one can actually know god's mind and interpret his instructions (about diet, say, or sexual conduct, or Iranian foreign policy). Thus, given the impossibility of "knowing", the first people to eliminate from the argument are those who are vain enough to claim to "know".

I do not think that my non-conviction and the faith of the godly are on all fours: all man-made arguments for the existence of a deity have actually been examined and exploded (see Victor Stenger's excellent recent work: "God: The Failed Hypothesis"). The Einsteinian pantheist concession, which allows that there may well be more to the wonder of the universe than we think (or even than we can think) explicitly repudiates the idea of a personal god, or a force that responds to human demands or intervenes in human affairs. It thus leaves religion behind, in the infancy of our species.

As I mentioned earlier, I do not wish for a benign celestial dictatorship anyway. Nor do I attribute my presence here to a divine plan instead of the laws and workings of biology. Above all, though, I refuse to submit to dictates from other mere mammals, who claim to know what they cannot know and who seem principally interested in wielding power in the here and now.

One last point if I may: a question I meant to pose earlier. Can you, or any of the readers of FP, give an instance of a morally right action, or morally rounded statement, taken or made by a religious person, that could not have been performed or uttered by a non-religious one?

FP: Your point is a strong one. Yes, a non-believer can be as equally moral as a religious person and a person can be moral without being religious.

There remains the question of where the notion of “morality” comes from that the non-religious person may engage in. Isn't it only because of religion that morality exists in the first place? If there is no God, and if there is no belief in God, then does morality even have any meaning?

But perhaps these questions are just a reflection of my own personal faith.

In any case, our time is almost up my friend.

Christopher Hitchens, thank you kindly for joining us. Your book is a valuable intellectual gift.

It is appreciated that you expose the savagery that has been perpetrated in the name of religion and that you stand up for the victims – many of whom have been forced into invisibility by those who seek to enforce historical amnesia on this phenomenon. As you point out, when Hasidic fundamentalist mohels (appointed circumcisers) put baby boys' penises into their mouths and give these babies genital herpes -- and then, in some cases, cause death to these babies (pp.49-50), and nothing is done or said about it, something seems, well, a little bit wrong. As you note, if any citizen did such a thing to a baby outside of religious window dressing, he would immediately and legitimately be seen as evil and be charged and prosecuted by the law. But for some reason, when it comes to grotesque abuses such as these that prevail in many quarters of the earth’s religions, if the perpetrator acts in the name of religion then the abuse is considered to be everything but what it is – and no cops show up and no prison sentences are dished out.

So thank you, Mr. Hitchens, for standing up for the victims.

In this light, and perhaps to answer your last question in a round-about-way, your anti-religious book is, on several levels, a powerful moral and humanitarian statement.

And I say this as a believer in God.

Thanks for joining us sir.

It was an honor and privilege to speak with you.

Hitchens: Thank you again for the hospitality of your pages.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Politics and religion

WASHINGTON (AP) -- John Edwards said Monday he prays—and sins—every day, as he appeared in a unique forum where the three leading Democratic presidential candidates talked about the deeply personal topic of their faith.

The crowd gasped loudly when moderator Soledad O’Brien asked Edwards to name the biggest sin he ever committed, and he won their applause when he said he would have a hard time naming one thing.

“I sin every single day,” said Edwards, the 2004 vice presidential nominee. “We are all sinners and we all fall short.”

The forum was sponsored by the liberal Sojourners/Call to Renewal, an evangelical social justice movement. Also appearing on stage at George Washington University’s Lisner Auditorium were Sens. Barack Obama of Illinois and Hillary Clinton of New York.

Edwards, wearing a purple tie to match Sojourners’ signature color, promoted himself as the candidate most committed to the group’s mission of fighting poverty. He said he doesn’t feel his belief in evolution is inconsistent with his belief in Christ and he doesn’t personally feel gays should be married, although as president he wouldn’t impose his belief system on the rest of the country.

“I have a deep and abiding love for my Lord, Jesus Christ,” Edwards said, but he said the United States shouldn’t be called a Christian nation.

He said he has been going to church since he was a child and was baptized as a teen. He said he strayed from his faith as an adult and it came “roaring back” when his teenage son died in 1996.

“It was the Lord that got me through that,” Edwards said, along with both of his wife’s cancer diagnoses.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Hard-to-get Religion

The Religion. Tim Willocks. Farrar, Straus, Giroux. $26. 618 pp.

Tim Willocks' The Religion, a sweeping epic romance set against the Turkish siege of Malta in 1565, a battle that determined the shapes of Christian Europe and the Islamic world for centuries to come, might be a candidate for best novel of the year -- were it not, I regret to say, so very badly written.

Willocks creates characters with real depth and consistent psychological motivation in Mattias Tannhauser, a Teutonic soldier of fortune, and Carla La Penautier, the disgraced Maltese countess who contracts with him on the eve of the siege to find and rescue her lost bastard son. But they, and all around them, seem to be suffering from severe intestinal distress.

Or at least you'd get that idea from the relentlessly visceral manner with which Willocks describes their every passing emotion, from lust and love to fear and mortal terror to scheming ambition.

Upon hearing someone he cares about is in danger, "Tannhauser felt the floor falling out of his bowels." When strains of Carla's viola come to him across a battlefield, "His gut clenched tight." At the moment of impact in a sea battle, "Tannhauser clung for his life as the prow rose before him and his bowels dropped inside him and all he could see was a flash of the star-speckled sky."

Indeed, this novel gives the distinct impression that what the Mediterranean world most direly lacked at the time was a steady supply of Imodium or Pepto-Bismol, the presence of which might have dramatically altered history. I mean, could it be the Turks invaded Malta because they were, literally, dyspeptic?

But then Willocks is a writer for whom subtlety is no virtue and overstatement no vice. The idea that less is more -- in his case, much, much more -- has doubtless never occurred to him. Almost every emotion that he runs through some character's alimentary canal would have been better conveyed to the grateful reader by understatement, if not silent implication.

I doubt such a strategy is available to Willocks, however. Repetition and overstatement are his stock in trade. His depiction of the awful bloody gore of combat by sword and lance, primitive cannon and flintlock rifles, is one of the glories of this book, but he cannot restrain himself from pounding the message home long after the reader has gotten it.

Similarly with Tannhauser's virility. Sure, the hero of an epic saga might be expected to have more than the average run of sexual prowess, but no one could possibly be so perpetually potent during a time of grinding, exhausting combat, with too little food, too much wine and opium to relieve the pain of battle wounds, too much stress and anxiety and fear and blood loss. We get it! The man's a stud! On with the story, for Pete's sake!

An entire review might be devoted to the sport of mocking Willocks' crimes against decent English prose, but, great fun though that might be, it would come at the expense of what the author does well. And the sum of what he does well, however pulpy it may be, adds up to a genuine entertainment that also manages to be thought-provoking.

Willocks, a practicing British psychiatrist who specializes in addiction treatment, is the author of three previous novels, all noir thrillers set in the American South. He's also written several movies, most notably 1997's Swept from the Sea, starring Ian McKellan and Rachel Weisz.

Years of prodigious research surely went into The Religion, for it bristles with authenticity and texture that brings the siege into sharp visual relief. For all his stylistic clumsiness, Willocks mounts an impressive narrative drive, and all the characters, no matter how minor, have a pleasing heft of personality.

Willocks is more than proficient at plotting, too, weaving numerous layers of political, military and romantic intrigue into the narrative, giving us not one but two inventive love triangles. The climactic confrontation between Tannhauser and the Inquisitor Ludovico, the secret father of Carla's son, plays out in impressively unpredictable ways.

But what most distinguishes the strengths of this book is the clear-eyed sensibility Willocks brings to its vision of war, religion and human nature. Battle is hard, tedious labor where combatants sometimes have to take a breather before continuing to hack at each other, and the battlefield is a miasma of entrails, blood and human waste.

Yet Willocks' men love it, and feel they find God in battlefield glory as nowhere else. Meanwhile the religious leaders on both sides are motivated more by pride, ambition and lust for glory than by devotion to God or Allah. To Willocks' credit, Ludovico, the story's chief villain, is motivated by genuine belief, not hypocrisy, while the cynical Tannhauser is not immune to the pull of war, even though, as he says, "Who cares now that Hannibal won at Cannae? A line will change on a map, or not."

Despite it's glaring flaws, The Religion has much to recommend it. Indeed, I haven't had such a divided response to a novel since Nick Tosches' over-the-top mash-up of Mob shenanigans and Dante scholarship, In the Hand of Dante (2002).

Meanwhile, I couldn't help casting the movie in my head as I read, an experience I expect many readers will share. Russell Crowe, or perhaps Dominic West, for Tannhauser, Ralph Fiennes for Ludovico, Ray Winstone as Tannhauser's rough-and-ready English friend Bors, Monica Bellucci as Carla, and Maribel VerdĂș as her sexy, mystical companion Amparo. Ridley Scott directing. I'd pay to see it.

Has Patriotism Become A Religion?

In Romans 1:25, Paul describes man as someone who will worship the creature rather than the creator. If we are honest, we will admit that this description fits all of us in some area of our lives. Materialism can become a religion so that we worship what we can accumulate. Our jobs can become a religion so that we sacrifice all, including family, in order to advance. And certainly there are false religions with false deities that people can bow down to. But what about one's country? Is it possible to be so enamored with one's own nation that loyalty to that country becomes a religion?

Consider statement #3 from the mission statement of the organization called the Gathering Of Eagles(Eagles). It calls war memorials "sacred ground" (http://gatheringofeagles.org/?page_id=83). The word "sacred" means holy. Its antonym is "secular" (meaning the here and now). This sentiment does not belong to these Eagles alone but to many who, without reflection, have put too much adoration on their country. Here, a distinction must be made between having a respectful love for one's country from deifying it.

How do we know when our love for country has gone too far? And if we are already religious, how do we know when we have crossed the line from being monotheists to becoming polytheists?

Before answering that question, it might be useful to define religion first. Our first objective is to determine whether our religion is a human-initiated or a divine-initiated endeavor. In other words, when defining our religion, we need to ask if it was God or us who made the first move. If we made the first move in our religion, then that religion will meet some self-serving ends. For example, our religion might have been crafted in ways that provide us with a sense of belonging or a feeling of significance. Freud saw religion as a projection of the self. In either case, rejection of one's religion by an outsider will be taken personally.

The end result here is that it is logical for the patriot to go beyond dehumanizing to demonizing the critic become heretic. At this point, nothing the critic says can afford to be recognized. All must be burnt, hopefully metaphorically only, at the stake—including the heretic. This causes the saintly patriot to associate two seemingly opposite feelings. Those feelings are anger or even hate with the contentment or self-satisfaction that comes from a doing what is perceived as doing right—that is defending God. In essence, wrath is redemptive because it leads to peace.

Such a religion cannot be consistently held by the conservative Christian. We believe that our religion has been initiated by an all powerful God. We might get upset when people criticize our God; but because our God is infinite, God needs us to defend him as much as God needs a Starship--a notion that once confused Captain Kirk. If God is infinite, the best way to defend Him is to step out of the way.

Has patriotism become your religion? One way to find out is to examine what you will support your country in doing. For example, conservative Christians believe that it is God's right to treat any of us in anyway he pleases. After all, He is God and we belong to him. Do you justify everything your country does to others?

Another test is how much credit do you give to your nation for what you have. To conservative Christians, God is the one who provides us with all things. Is that how you see your nation? Do you give your nation the credit for all that you have?

Another test of whether patriotism has become our religion can be seen in how far we will go to defend our nation's honor. Do we give ourselves permission to treat a critic of our nation in any way we please, even to demonize this person, simply because we claim to be defending the honor of our nation?

My guess is that far too many Americans have made patriotism their religion. This might explain why so many people react so vehemently to the criticisms from groups like the antiwar crowd. The criticisms that we have of America are all too obvious to the world and students of history. But these criticisms cause the American parishioner of nationalism to feel uncomfortable either about themselves or their future. This parishioner can then choose between lashing out in order to feel redeemed or worshiping another god.

Friday, June 1, 2007

’Tango’ a dance of love, family, religion

What it means to be a Jew in modern-day Europe after decades of liberalism and intermarriage is the subject of "The Rashevski Tango," a 2003 coproduction and another real find by speciality distributor Menemsha Films ("The Ritchie Boys").
Dolfo Rashevski (Natan Cogan), the film’s irreligious patriarch and death camp survivor, returns to Belgium from Israel where he burped in his rabbi brother’s face as a gesture of disdain. The family is grieving after the death of its matriarch Rosa (Laurence Masliah), Dolfo’s sister-in-law.
She was the family tango enthusiast and linchpin. Family friend Antoine (Hippolyte Giradot), meanwhile, wishes to court the vivacious Nina (Tania Garbaski), Rosa’s granddaughter. But Nina wishes to marry a fellow Jew. Antoine offers to convert, but as a rabbi points out, he would then be more Jewish than Nina since her mother Isabelle (Ludmila Mikael) is not a Jew. The radiant Isabelle, it is true, has never felt completely accepted by the Jewish family into which she married, even though her husband Simon (Michel Jonasz), a merchant who has Wagner’s "Ride of the Valkyries" as his ringtone, is a virtual atheist who wouldn’t know a kaddish from a radish.
Meanwhile, Ric Rashevski (Rudi Rosenberg), who served in the Israeli army, proposes to the beautiful Khadija (Selma Kouchy), a Belgian of Arab descent. She has refused Ric, for now.
As all of this should demonstrate, it’s often hard to know who is a Jew and who is not. As someone points out, some survivors of the camps gave up on religion afterward, while others embraced Judaism even more fervently. Religion is a tricky subject, but it is handled with subtlety, charm and, in final scenes, real elegiac power by director/co-writer Sam Garbarski and his first-rate cast. Don’t sit this "Tango" out.

Love story and tragedy

Iftekhar Murtaza fancied himself a bit of the rebel, a gym rat with red and black tribal tattoos on buff shoulders.

In photos posted online, he struck a "gangsta" pose – muscles rippling outside a sleeveless T-shirt.

But those who know him considered Murtaza more of a "wangsta," a harmless wannabe gangster who used punctuation marks to make smiley faces online.

Now some are not sure what to believe.

Murtaza – who had never been to court as an adult for anything more serious than a speeding ticket – appeared before an Arizona judge Thursday as a "person of interest" in the slaying of his on-again-off-again girlfriend's father and sister in Orange County. His former girlfriend's mother also was beaten and left outside the family's Anaheim Hills home.

The homicide victims – Jayprakesh and Karishma Dhanak – were beaten with baseball bats, stabbed and set ablaze on a hiking trail in Irvine, two minutes from the UCI dorm where Murtaza's ex-girlfriend, Shayona, lived, police and court records say.

Although authorities were not describing the 22-year-old as a suspect Thursday, they also weren't letting him out of jail. Murtaza was carrying a plane ticket to Bangladesh when federal marshals arrested him last weekend at a Phoenix airport.

A portrait emerged Thursday from close friends, school records and Murtaza's Friendster page of a man whose deep feelings belied his bad boy facade.
Hours after the murders, Murtaza planned to pick up longtime friend Anisha Vasani and another close friend from Westwood and drive to the Santa Ana hospital where Shayona Dhanak's mother lay unconscious. He and Dhanak had broken up a few weeks before – as they had many times in their three-year relationship – but Murtaza didn't think twice about rushing to her, Vasani said.

"He wanted to be with Shayona, for her," said Vasani, a psychology major at UCLA. "He just loved her so much." But the trip was called off. Police weren't letting anyone into the hospital room. Shayona Dhanak was under police protection.

On his Web page, Murtaza described himself as "someone who knows how to have fun but takes life seriously when it's needed."

At 6-foot-1, 171 pounds, Murtaza, a Leo, urged readers on his site to let the kid inside them "come out and play."

A former student of John F. Kennedy High in Granada Hills and Albert Einstein Continuation School in North Hills, Murtaza took a few junior college classes ending in 2005. He was a smart guy, friends said, who managed to make a good living without a formal education, paying for a glitzy Hollywood Hills apartment and a Range Rover. But his lack of enthusiasm for education concerned his girlfriend's parents.

Over the years, Murtaza shared the highs and lows of his love life in dozens of e-mails to Richa Singh, a Tucson woman he met about five years ago in Los Angeles.

His once-joyful missives turned heartsick as he became convinced that the Dhanak familiy was sabotaging his relationship with Shayona, 18.

"He felt kind of hopeless with the whole situation," said Singh, 23. "He told me he wanted to talk to the family and reassure them. He felt the whole family was ganged up on him."

Religion was part of the problem, court records said. The Dhanaks are Hindu, Murtaza is Muslim. Pressured by her family, Shayona broke off the relationship over and over again – but always managed to find her way back to Murtaza – and he would always take her back, Vasani said.
"Oh, my God, she is so mad at me," Singh remembers Murtaza e-mailing her during one of his spats with Shayona. But he never threatened any violence, friends said.

"Most Hindu families will give in after a while if they see the person really loves them," Vasani said. "He understood that with time that would happen. Everything with Shayona happened with time."

Shayona last split with Murtaza about a month ago, friends said, but no one expected it to last long.
"I could see the pain in his eyes," Vasani said. "But he was still smiling. He knew they would get back together."

Singh said Murtaza met Shayona at a party about three years ago and was instantly enamored.

"I met this girl. She is awesome," Murtaza e-mailed Singh.
But Dhanak knew her family would not approve of the tattooed Muslim man, Vasani said – and resisted his advances – for a while. He gave her a ring – rented a helicopter – and worshiped the ground she walked on. He overheard phone calls Dhanak had with her mother, disapproving of the relationship, but still he told friends he wanted to marry Dhanak – and that he planned to talk to her parents about it.

That's why friends they have a hard time seeing him as a killer, especially one capable of the ferocity shown in the Dhanak attack.

"He never said anything bad about her family," Vasani said. "He respected them. For him, it was all about love."

Indeed, Murtaza challenged people on his Web site to become his friends.

"Anyone who wants to meet me, I wanna meet you, and anyone who I wanna meet, you should definitely want to meet me, too."